What is a "S.Q.U.I.P"?
A Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor, better known as a S.Q.U.I.P, is a microscopic supercomputer injested as a pill. This new high-tech self help method aims to collect data on teenage life and greatly improve the habits, social life, and overall performance of those who choose to use it.
Our advanced technology makes it possible for the supercomputer to access muscle memory, brain activity, emotional regulation, data on the user's social status, user's search history, and any impure thoughts or feelings.
S.Q.U.I.P User Guide
To activate your SQUIP, injest the pill with original green Mountain Dew.
You are able to communicate with your SQUIP using your mind and view it as a holgram. Voice and appearance settings are easily adjustable using telepathic or vocal commands.
Please do not injest any of the following after taking your SQUIP:
Alcohol of any kind, excessively caffinated beverages, other untested technology, or
Mountain dew in the following flavors:
Injesting Mountain Dew: Code Red will deactivate your SQUIP and cause irreversible hardware issues.
Do not, under any circumstances, disclose any information about the SQUIP online outside of this web page.
